


Familiarity is a Common Sense

by SOMETHINREAL



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, But no sexual content, Delinquent! Brian, M/M, Marijuana, Mentions of Underage Sex, Set in Toronto, Tutor! Jae, Tutoring, Underage Smoking, brief enemies-friends-lovers, purposefully cliche, side Sungpil, they hate each other for two seconds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-05-21 03:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14907740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SOMETHINREAL/pseuds/SOMETHINREAL
Summary: “That’s great,” she says, “His name is Brian Kang.”Oh, fuckno.(alternatively: jae is asked by his teacher to tutor the infamous brian kang. he's fuckingthrilled).





	1. Hope For the Best, Plan For the Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of the end.

When Jae’s teacher asks him to stay back a few minutes into lunch, he tries to think nothing of it. Jae’s one of the top students in his whole school. He’s not a nerd, or a brainiac, per se, he thinks the terms are ill-fitting, he just happens to be one of the smartest in his grade. He’s the best in English and math, those being his primary AP courses, though the rest, like science and music, are all enriched. Many people hound him for study help or answers to their various homework assignments, both of which he’ll deny them as kindly as possible.

He doesn’t think that he’s done anything wrong, tending to keep to himself or with his discreet friend group, but the fact that his English professor had called him to her desk still makes him nervous.

“Jae, may I keep you back for a few minutes?”

The question had been innocent enough, no hint of any disappointment or anger in her tone, which all pointed to good signs, but Jae couldn’t help but overthink it all.

“Sure. Any particular reason? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.” He closes his copy of the latest play he’d been instructed to analyze, drumming his fingers against the cover before pushing away from his desk and walking over to hers.

“Oh, I just had a question. A favour, if you will.” Jae nods his head slowly, urging her to continue. “You see,” she starts, “I have a student in my grade eleven class--” Jae’s shoulders involuntarily slump. He knows exactly where this is going.

The thing about being the smartest kid in his grade is that everyone wants to be tutored by him. Jae wouldn’t mind, really, because he’s nice enough, but he hates having to commit to people who can’t or won’t even try to learn. It’s not that Jae thinks he’s some kind of intellectual or something, it’s just that it frustrates him when people have potential and don’t know how to use it.

“--he’s falling behind terribly and needs to catch up. I was wondering of you would mind tutoring him at lunches.”

But Jae doesn’t want to. He has better things to be doing, like playing cards with Wonpil in the library or tormenting their latest friend, Dowoon, the brainiac freshman that’d showed up late October.

“I don’t know, Mrs.,” he sighs, scratching at the back of his neck. It’s not that he doesn’t want to help her, because he’s always happy to help, but he doesn’t want to have to be committed to someone who’s grade has probably fallen beyond saving.

“I’ll raise your overall grade by five percent.”

Jae’s head perks up. Wow. Okay. She must be desperate if she’s offering to raise his ninety-three to a ninety-eight just for teaching some kid that probably doesn’t know that the word _half_ can be both singular and plural.

“Are you bribing me, Mrs. Le?” Jae asks carefully, to which she shrugs. “May I ask why you’re so persistent?”

“No, you may not,” she states simply. Jae smiles. “Look,” she says, “I’m not going to force you into this, Jae. I get it, your academics come before anyone else’s. _But_ , I’d really like it if you were to help me out. This student really needs help and he won’t accept it from me or any other teachers. I figured that someone around his age might be able to help.”

“I mean, I guess I can do it,” Jae tells her reluctantly. He’s not thrilled, that’s an understatement, but it means that his grade is raised _and_ that he’s seen as responsible in his teacher’s eyes, so the only thing that he’s really losing is an hour to himself every day.

Mrs. Le grins at him, tucking a strand of her grey-streaked hair behind her ear. “That’s great,” she says, “His name is Brian Kang.”

Oh, fuck _no_.

Jae knows him, vaguely, but he definitely doesn’t like him. He’s a grade younger, in eleventh, but still somehow manages to be the talk of the school, and for all of the wrong reasons. He’s single-handedly gained the titles ‘Asshole’ and ‘Bad Boy,’ but neither of those are good enough to really describe him. He’s got to be one of the most cliche, movie main punks that Jae’s ever seen with his own two eyes. He’s a nuisance, always getting into fights, starting them, skipping classes and whatnot, your typical Bad Kid stuff, so Jae knows his grades must be shitty, which by extension must be the reason that his teacher had asked him to tutor Brian.

Jae’s never actually had a formal conversation with Brian, but he knows that if he had, he would probably hate every second of it. Jae can’t stand people like that. He doesn’t get why people like him do the things that they do when they could simply _not_ , and the world would still spin at the same pace. He’s even less thrilled now that he knows what he’ll be dealing with, but Jae can’t grasp the reason that Mrs. Le had asked _him_ of all people to tutor Brian Kang.

 

-

 

The first time Jae sees Brian before his tutoring job starts is when he’s walking home. Jae’s smoking a cigarette, a habit that he’d picked up, large contrast to his otherwise Good Boy image, but he only ever smokes when he’s stressed. Coincidentally, the cause of his stress is also smoking a cigarette on the other side of the street. Brian’s got his arm wrapped around some girl wearing an outfit that is not January appropriate. He can’t tell what they’re talking about, but Jae can tell from the way that she’s leaning into Brian’s side that she’s definitely way too into him, and he can also tell by the way Brian stares straight ahead when she speaks that he’s definitely not enough into her.

Jae almost feels bad for her, knowing that Brian’s probably going to persuade her into sex or something, whatever the people like him did, then leave her the next day, tell her to forget about it, pretend like he doesn’t exist. But then again, what do you expect from fucking around with Brian Kang?

Jae doesn’t stop looking until Brian turns the corner.

 

-

 

“Brian? Like, _the_ Brian Kang?” Wonpil gapes at Jae, eyes wide as he rolls over on the couch to face him.

“Yeah, The Brian Kang. I’m fucking _thrilled_.” Jae’s voice is absolutely lackluster, nearing a drawl as he kicks his feet over the arm of his chair. Dowoon just cocks his head.

“Who’s that?”

“A dick,” Wonpil and Jae answer at the same time. Dowoon laughs.

“Why would you even agree to that?” Wonpil asks.

They’re all sprawled out around Jae’s living room, various snacks littered on the table. Wonpil’s hogging the loveseat; Jae’s on the armchair; Dowoon is starfished on the carpet. Doctor Who is playing on the TV.

“Mrs. Le said she’d raise my grade if I did it.” Jae shrugs.

“So, she bribed you?”  Wonpil asks.

“I mean if you want to put it that way, sure,” Jae tells him, “it could be worse, I guess. She could have asked my to volunteer at some event, teaching actual children. Or I could be scrubbing toilets or something. Besides, all I’m losing is an hour to myself. We only have Fridays to play cards, I suppose.” Jae glances at Wonpil when he whines.

“You’re telling me that I can only beat your ass at Cheat once a week?”

“Why would she make you clean toilets?” Dowoon asks pointedly.

“It was an example, God. I came up with it off the top of my head. Let me breathe,” Jae says, “anyways, if my grade is going up, and I have to deal with a piece of shit for it to happen, so be it.”

 

-

 

The next time Jae sees Brian before his tutoring job starts is at the mall on the following Saturday. He’s in the food court alone, as Wonpil’s gone off to get his own food, too busy scarfing down two servings of sushi and a large bubble tea to notice Brian at first. He doesn’t notice until Wonpil comes back and points it out.

“Isn’t that Brian over there?” Wonpil asks as he places his tray on the table and sits across from Jae.

Jae’s head perks up from where he’d been hunched over his tray of sushi, he stops chewing mid-bite, eyes scanning the surrounding area for the aforementioned, nearly choking when he lays eyes on Brian. He’s in line for chipotle (a good choice, Jae thinks, but because it’s Brian the thought leaves a funny feeling in his chest), but he’s not alone. He’s holding someone’s waist, a _guy’s_ waist, and they’re definitely too close for it to be considered good ole’ _Bro Time._ Jae feels the kind of uncomfortable that you feel when you see something you’re not supposed to, even though Brian is doing this in plain sight.

Two things that Jae’s picked up over the past few days:

One) he sees Brian outside of school more than he does _in_ school, which honestly, isn’t that surprising. It isn’t a pleasant thing though.

Two) Brian’s had more action in two days than Jae’s had in the past six months. The thought is actually kind of sad.

He finishes chewing, looks away before Brian can notice him staring, takes a swig of bubble tea and clears his throat before responding, “sadly. Just like, pretend that you didn’t see him and I’ll pretend like I don’t know who he is, just in case he notices me and recognizes me as the person who’s going to teach him simple grammar in two days.”

“Dude,” Wonpil says, “he’s much too caught up in groping that guy’s ass to even think about school. Besides, does he even know who you are? You’re acting like you’re not going to have to associate with him for God knows how long until his grades are up. You didn’t think this through, did you?”

Jae sighs. “Not really, no.”

 

-

 

Jae wakes up in a haze. He doesn’t hate Mondays usually, but as soon as he wakes up and realizes the weight of the day, he dreads it more than anything. It doesn’t hit Jae right away, not when he’s rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, not when he’s throwing on a hoodie and some jeans, not when he’s making himself a sandwich for lunch, it only hits him when he looks at the floral themed calendar and notices the date marked in all red _THE BEGINNING OF H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS_ (because Jae tries not to swear around his mother), and then it finally hits him: today’s the day. Today his job starts, today he’s not only going to have to face Brian Kang, he’s going to have to try and teach him too.

There’s not a doubt in Jae’s mind that it’ll be hard to teach Brian. Hell, if a teacher can’t do it, how does anyone expect him? It’s not only that, it’s also that he knows for a fact that Brian’s going to be less than enthusiastic, but he supposes that he’ll be too, so it’s fair. Brian isn’t really the most approachable person, and Jae doubts there’s any common ground, so he hasn’t got a clue even as to how he’s going to talk to Brian. Maybe he can ask Mrs. Le to introduce them. Or maybe not, because then the situation will be much too formal and it’ll make Jae feel weird. Whatever. Death is inevitable, right?

Jae shakes his head in an attempt to clear it, but that ultimately fails (and hurts his neck a little), so he stops. He grabs an apple, rubs it on his hoodie and checks for bruises before tossing it into his bag and heading out the door, hopes high that today won’t go to utter shit.

 

-

 

The _scratch, scratch, scratch_ of pencils on lined paper fills his ears, gnawing at the inside of his brain. It’s not loud, or bothersome, per se, it’s simply just a reminder of what’s to come in a mere few minutes. His own page is nearly empty, besides his name and the date, save for a few lines of introduction. That, on the other hand, is bothersome.

Jae can always write, no matter the situation. Writing is just something that comes naturally to him, like a child and playing at the park. The fact that he can’t because his mind is too clogged is beyond frustrating. It occurs to him that he can always back out of this situation he’s put himself into. He doesn’t _need_ to tutor Brian, but his teacher really would _like_ him to, and if he backs out now, Jae knows she’ll be disappointed in him, and he doesn’t want that at all.

The lunch bell rings after a few more minutes of Jae being unable to analyze _King Lear_ , his classmates rushing out quickly around him, reminding him even more of what he’s to do this lunch period. His head is resting on his desk when his teacher calls for him.

“Jae?” she asks, “would you like me to get the office to call him here?”

Jae only lifts his head up to say: “If you wouldn’t mind,” then puts it back on his desk.

He can hear her call the office, ask for what she needs, then, a moment later, over the PA system:

_BRIAN KANG, PLEASE REPORT TO ROOM 210_

It’s a bland phrase, but loud, seemingly meaningless to any passerby but to Jae, it makes him claw at the back of his hand. He awaits the inevitable while shrinking back into his seat, one hand playing with a fray in his pants, the other drumming out a rhythm on the desk made of faux wood. He counts in his head the seconds it takes for Brian to show up.

_One, two, three._

Jae watches Mrs. Le mark a student’s quiz, click her pen, tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. He can feel the itch of a craving for a cigarette crawl up his spine, the blatant _want want want, need need need_ all he can seem to think about. His hands shake where he wrings them in his lap.

_Ten, eleven, twelve._

He contemplates whether or not he should just ask Mrs. Le to let him go have a smoke. The thought leaves as soon as it came. She’d probably send him to a rehabilitation centre before he could even get the word _cigarette_ out.

Brian shows up on the 135th second. He stands in the doorway like he’s not sure why he’s here.

“Brian,” Mrs. Le says, “this is your tutor, Jae.” She gestures towards Jae, who shoots a tight lipped smile when Brian scowls, showing that he’s just as unhappy to be here as Brian.

“Shit,” Brian says. “That was today?”

“Watch your language in my classroom, Brian.” The teacher scowls at him, but Brian doesn’t seem to care. He mumbles something about doing whatever he wants. Classy. Jae hates everything about this and it hasn’t even started.

Mrs. Le introduces Brian properly, tells Jae to be good before she leaves. Awkwardness is heavy in the air. Jae and Brian have this sort of stare off from opposite sides of the classroom, until Jae silently pulls out the chair next to him and Brian walks over and throws his stuff down onto it.

“I don’t want to be tutored,” he says, but sits down anyways, pulls out his English binder, a pencil.

“Yeah, well I have no interest in tutoring you either, but if I don’t help you get your grades up, then I look like a shitty person.”

“Oh, so you’ve got it in you to swear, then?” Jae only tilts his head. “I mean, I didn’t expect a nerd like you to swear, is all.”

Okay, so here’s the thing: Jae’s not a goodie two-shoes. He’s never tried to be, he never wants to be, whatever. He doesn’t do anything bad purposely, nor is he inherently good, he just _is_. He’s neither bad nor good, and the idea that just because his intelligence is a little higher than average means that he’s got to be a prefect is a tad bit insulting.

Jae ignores the comment, however, and reaches for Brian’s binder, which he pulls towards himself. “Chill,” Jae says, “I’m not going to fucking poison it, Jesus. If I’m going to teach you anything, I’ll need to at least see your notes, kid.”

“I’m not a kid,” Brian grunts, then, “can I borrow your lighter?” It’s only now that Jae notices the fact that he’s literally got a cigarette tucked behind his ear, which is the most ridiculous thing Jae’s seen all day. He’s literally asking to be sent to the office.

“I don’t have one,” Jae says, and it’s not a total lie, because he doesn’t. He has _two_ , one in his pocket, one in his locker. He didn’t want to outright tell Brian no, but what else was he supposed to do? Enforce underaged smoking when he’s the poster child for it? Let him light up a cigarette in the middle of the English class?

“Liar,” Brian says. “I can see it in your jean pocket, but whatever.” He crosses his arms over his chest like an actual fucking child. Jae resists the urge to laugh at him.

Brian’s dressed like your stereotypical delinquent; black ripped jeans paired with scuffed up combat boots, a t-shirt of a band Jae doesn’t know and a leather jacket that Jae’s never actually seen Brian without. His hair is black too, shaggy and falling over his forehead, nearly covering his fox-eyes, which, if Jae’s right, he’s got the slightest hint of eyeliner around. Middle School Jae wishes he could look like this.Too bad for Middle School Jae that High School Jae turns out listening to indie and dressing in pastels and _not_ MCR and all black.

“Look, are you going to let me help you or are you just going to sit there and sulk like a toddler for the rest of lunch?”

“Fuck off,” Brian tells him. Jae rolls his eyes. Brian mirrors the action.

“I can see that subtlety isn’t really your strong suit. We’ll work on that, _kid_.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here's the dealio kiddos!! this used to be a matty/george fic on my old wattpad but i wrote it when i was welve and hate it so i rewrote it as a jaebri fic because they're so good and i love them.  
> updates should be once or twice every week, but this wont be super long anyways.  
> chapter titles rwill most likely be from hyukoh songs because I love them.  
> (ps please refrain from looking for that fic because I absolutely hate it)


	2. Tell Me if You're Not Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is m e s s y and i lied when i said that i would update this like last week but i have exams rn and !! i've been busy!! to im sorry about that krgbosbf

“He’s _such_ a pain in the ass.”

The library is quiet, with only one other student in the far corner with a pair of headphones covering their ears. Jae’s on his spare. Wonpil’s picking up an assignment from the printer. Jae’s sat at one of the computers, busy typing up an essay when Wonpil walked in a few minutes ago.

“You’re the one who agreed to tutor him. _No_ is a word in your vocabulary, you know that, Jae.” Wonpil’s leaning against the wall next to the printer as his assignment prints out slowly, looking at Jae with this face that says _You’re An Idiot_.

“I needed a higher average, okay? Plus, he may be awful to be around, but he’s not that awful to _look_ at.”

Wonpil chokes. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Of course I’m kidding, you fuck. Any attractive qualities he has evaporate as soon as he opens his mouth.” Jae rolls his eyes, leaning back in his desk chair.

Wonpil grabs his paper from the printer. “You better have been joking,” he says, “I’m not letting you get fucked over by Brian Kang.”

“I can’t get fucked over by him if I’m not fucking _with_ him. I don’t even like him. I literally hate him.” It’s not like Jae’s gone and professed his love for Brian, all he said was that he’s not ugly, which is true. There’s nothing-- and will never be anything-- there besides a slight animosity towards him. “And I won’t, just FYI, but if I ever do, I give you full permission to hit me.”

Wonpil grins. “I’m quoting you on that one.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Wonpil says, “no offense, Jae, but you can’t keep it in your pants.”

 

-

 

Jae’s tapping his pencil idly on his desk while he waits for Brian to show up. It’s been fifteen minutes since the lunch bell rang, fifteen minutes since Mrs. Le left with an apologetic smile, fifteen minutes that Jae’s been sat in silence waiting for Brian to get here. Jae’s always had a thing about being late. He just doesn’t like it. The concept in itself gives him that uncomfortable floaty feeling in the pit of his stomach. The fact that Brian is fifteen minutes late when they had a very set time just makes Jae mad.

It’s not even just the fact that Brian’s late that makes Jae mad, it’s the fact that he _ditched_. Being late is one thing, making it so that Jae has to wait around and see if he’ll show, even though Jae knows he probably won’t, is another. Perhaps it’s the fact that Jae’s been assigned to teach Brian, to make sure he stays out of trouble while he helps him analyze scene IV of Twelfth Night, that because Brian’s not here, Jae’s failing to do his one job. Whatever makes Jae feel this way, he hates it.

Brian shows up after another ten minutes, books under his arm, hair a mess, fountain drink in his hand. Jae crosses his arms over his chest, raises his eyebrows, silently ordering him to explain.

“If you think I’m going to apologize for being late,” Brian starts, “you couldn’t be more wrong.” He punctuates his sentence with a long sip of his drink. Jae sighs. Now that he’s thinking of it, he may have liked it better when Brian was ditching.

“I don’t care, kid, it’s your education.” Jae shrugs halfheartedly, and it’s true. It’s not his fault if Brian fails. If Brian doesn’t want to learn, so be it. It’s not Jae’s problem.

“What would you know? You think you’re so smart, right?”

“I know more than you’d think. God, could you be any more condescending?” Jae asks, utterly unamused.

“I--” Brian starts, but has to cut himself off for a moment. “I don’t know what that means.” Brian almost looks embarrassed. For a split second, a wave of sentiment washes over Jae, but it’s gone as soon as it comes up.

“That’s why I’m here, Brian,” Jae says, and gestures to himself. He pats the seat behind him, fighting off the urge he has to smile smugly as Brian sits down and places his books on the table. “C’mon, if you get this over with, I’ll graduate soon and you’ll never have to see me ever again.” Brian shrugs and pulls a pencil from his pocket. It’s been snapped in half, but the tip still remains in tact.

“It’s to think you’re above someone else,” Jae says easily.

“What?”

“Condescending,” Jae adds. “That’s what it means.” Brian nods in understanding.

“I’ll add that to my limited vocab,” he says. “Alongside _fuck_ and _weed_.” Jae laughs. Genuinely fucking laughs. It startles Brian and even Jae himself, who throws a hand over his mouth. Eventually, Brian laughs too.

“You know what?” Jae asks. Brian can’t help but quirk an eyebrow. “You’re not as shit as I’d pegged you to be,” Jae jokes, like they’re friends, like it’s okay for him to joke with Brian.

Maybe it is, because Brian gives a sort of half smile and says, “Gee, thanks.”

-

 

The next time that Jae sees Brian outside of school is in the sushi place a few blocks away from his house. This time, though, it’s Brian who notices Jae first. They’re both alone, both hungry, both at opposite ends of the restaurant. Jae doesn’t notice Brian at all, actually. But Brian’s looking at him. He can tell from the big hoodie and sneakers and floppy bangs that it’s Jae, pushing up his glasses and smiling sheepishly at the hostess as he requests a table for one. Brian’s looking at him struggle to find something to eat in his budget, watching him shakily lift the green tea to his lips. Watching him out of the corner of his eye as he leaves through the font, hopes that Jae doesn’t notice him; flips up his hood so he’ll be easily mistaken for someone else.

When Jae’s about to pay and leave, someone walks past him, and he doesn’t take it in at first, though out of the corner of his eye he swears to God it’s Brian. But when Jae looks, they’re already gone.

 

-

 

His nose is pressed against cold, dewy glass, his breath hitting it and fogging it up. He writes his favourite line from his favourite song. He watches the small snowflakes hit his window and melt, able to catch each intricate design before it melts away to water. The whole thing intrigues him. Something about how it all symbolizes something bigger. To him at least. He loves the snow more than anything. Anything breathing. That would probably be his mother. Or perhaps his sister. Or maybe even Wonpil and Dowoon. Come to think of her, he hasn’t seen his sister in a while now that she’s gone off to university, and whenever she’s home, she’s always hanging out with friends. It’s kind of embarrassing that she’s more socially active than him, a soon-to-be graduating eighteen year old with good grades and a cool jean jacket that he wears too much

At least, Jae thinks it’s a pretty cool jacket. He’d bought it with the intent of it making him new friends or striking up conversations with him (ie. “That’s such a cool jacket,” or “Wow, you’re so cool, let’s be friends,” or “Your jacket is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, marry me right now.” You know, the normal things). Needless to say it didn’t happen, and the only people who actually complimented him on it were Wonpil and his mother, but Wonpil’s pretty much spoken for and his mother kind of has to compliment him, so it was a lost cause. The only things it got him were an overused, oversized jacket and an empty wallet. It did have character, and big pockets, so he supposes that it’s alright in those departments.

Sighing, Jae rolls his forehead against the cool glass. He’s not sure why he feels so uninterested in going to school today. It’s not the weather, because he loves snow, and it’s not the homework he’d gotten, because he’s finished it as soon as he got home yesterday. It’s not even having to see Brian.

Jae had decided yesterday that Brian’s really not as awful and unbearable to be around as he’s originally thought, even though he seems like it sometimes. He’s still kind of an arrogant dumbass most of the time, Jae won’t lie, but he’s got a lot of potential, and Jae likes that. Brian’s actually kind of funny and cool once you get past the snarky comments and general Bad Kid stuff. Jae thinks that Brian might not actually hate him too, which is a mega plus, because he thinks it would suck pretty bad if someone he has to spend an hour with everyday hates his guts.

Before he stands to get ready, he breathes on the glass once more, fogging it up. He drags a finger across it, drawing shapes here, his name there, words elsewhere. Jae likes words a lot. He likes the way they look, the way they sound, the way that he can make them flow in the poetry and songs that litter his walls and floor. He writes these things like any other angsty teen. He’s not even half bad. Jae does most of these things on the typewriter he’d bought at  a garage sale for fifteen dollars, which sits on the corner of his desk next to his tiny laptop. The typewriter is collecting dust right now, as he’s not really been writing much as of late, too busy critiquing his own work and being busy with school and figuring out his future and tutoring Brian to actual let any creative juices flow. Also, he’s been frustrated that his hands shake too much for him to type a line without an error.

Who can blame him, though? Typewriters are actually a pain in the ass to write on, for all the jamming keys and the fact that everything has to flip around once you run out of space. But, Jae does like the way it sounds when the house is quiet and all he can hear is _clack clack clack_ of the keys as he types, or the _ding!_ that sounds once he resets the line.

He gets dressed without much of a fuss, a turtleneck under a too-big flannel and some jeans, his favourite pair of boots, a burgundy beanie, his signature jean jacket lined with fur. He yawns as he walks down the stairs, calling a goodbye to his mother and grabbing an apple before he heads out the door.

 

-

 

“Spell and define _evangelical_.”

The classroom is warm and stuffy, but the comfortable kind. Brian’s sat to his right, pencil between his teeth, black hair frizzy, eyebrows furrowed. Jae’s got his beanie pulled over his ears. They’re studying for a test Brian has tomorrow.

“I can’t fucking believe that there’s still a spelling part on our quizzes. I’m in eleventh grade. I thought we stopped doing these in like, fifth.” Brian has been very vocal over the fact that he strongly dislikes having to learn to spell and define vocabulary from the play he’s reading.

“You mentioned,” Jae deadpans, “multiple times.”

“That doesn’t change how I feel, Jesus. I swear to God she thinks I’m six, or something,” Brian huffs, glaring across at Jae, who meekly rolls his eyes.

“Brian, answer the damn question.”

“If I don’t, what are _you_ going to do about it?” Brian taunts. “There’s not much, you know, seeing as you’re a walking toothpick that severely lacks upper body strength. Or, any body strength, I guess.” Ouch. These are all false accusations. Jae’s skinny sure, but he’s not a _weakling_. Yeah, doing curls with a ten pound weight makes him feel like his arm is going to fall off, but that doesn’t _mean_ anything.

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you’re insulting me to my face and ask you once more: Brian, spell and define _evangelical_.” He looks expectantly at Brian, who sighs.

“E-v-a-n-g-e-l-i-c-a-l. Of or relating to the teaching of the gospel or Christian religion,” he recites in monotone, like Jae’s programmed him to. Jae only grins.

“Great!” he says. “You’re amazing. Now spell _pulchritudinous_.” Brian’s eyes almost fall out of his head. It’s not on his list and Jae knows that, but he needed something to spice up the boring lesson, why not make it something relatively unheard of?

“What the fuck kind of word is that? Is that even English?” Brian asks, dumbfounded.

“It’s a good one,” Jae answers, “now, spell it.”

“Jae, it’s not even on my list.” Brian slaps a hand over his forehead, groaning. “I’m not spelling it.”

“Why not?” Jae asks, “it’s a perfectly normal, perfectly English, perfectly spellable word. If I use it in a sentence, will that help you?”

“This is all a prank so you can see me fail, right? I swear, Jae if you upload me on the internet or something--”

“No, you dumbass. My job is to help you improve. That’s all I want to see you do.” Jae claps Brian on the shoulder, and it occurs to him that he’s never voluntarily touched Brian before. It’s not weird but it isn’t normal either, it just kind of _is_.

“You’re a fucking sop,” Brian tells him. “Use it in a sentence.”

Jae has to think for a moment, but ends up blurting the first thing that comes to mind. “Brian, you’re absolutely pulchritudinous.”

“Should I be offended?” Brian asks. “Does that mean I’m an asswipe or something?”

“No,” Jae tells him, “it means pretty. Like, breathtakingly beautiful.” Jae can feel the tips of his ears go red at the fact that he’s just called Brian stunning to his face in the form of an example. He really needs to think things through before he speaks.

“Thanks,” Brian says, flipping his imaginary hair over his shoulder. “I’m still not spelling it though.”

Jae sighs. “Of course you’re not.”

 

-

 

“So, how was it?” Jae asks inquisitively, raising an eyebrow. Brian just looks confused. “The test. How did your test go?”

“Ohhh,” Brian says, then nods, reaches into his backpack and shoves the papers in Jae’s face. “I did okay, I guess.”

“Okay? Dude! You got eighty-five percent! That’s fucking amazing, Brian.” Jae flips through the pages, content that his works is starting to pay off. “I’m so proud of you,” he says, then starts punching Brian in the shoulder, because he’s not sure what other signs of appreciation he can show. Brian just cocks his head and grabs Jae’s wrist after a moment, stilling his movements. “Sorry.”

“It’s all thanks to you,” Brian says, and he’s smiling, but there’s something off. The thing about Brian, or at least what Jae’s learned over the past few weeks, is that he never actually says how he feels about anything unless it’s negative. He’s very passive aggressive.

“Why don’t you look happy? This is so good.” Jae slides the paper back to him, watching silently as he shoves it back into his bag.

“It’s—it’s nothing,” Brian tells him, shaking his head.

“Obviously there’s something wrong. Tell me.”

“No,” Brian says. “Drop it.”

“Bri. Tell me what’s the matter.” Maybe Jae shouldn’t be prodding. They aren’t friends-- he’s sure they’ll never be friends, so he doesn’t think he has the right. Brian scowls.

“It’s my reputation,” Brian says. “I’m worried that this will ruin my fucking reputation. Are you happy?” He looks away when Jae glares.

“Brian, are you trying to tell my right now that your stupid bad boy reputation matters to you more than your damn education? Or becoming more intelligent, for that matter? You’re fucking joking, right?”

Brian turns back to him. “Did you just call me stupid?” His eyes are cold and mean. Jae shrinks back into his chair _. If looks could kill._

“No, that’s not what I meant, Brian, I said—”

“I’m pretty sure I know what I heard, Jae.” He pushes himself out of his chair, the force of it nearly knocking it over.

“Brian, c’mon, don’t leave. We still have a study session to finish.”

“Nah,” Brian says. “I’m sure I’m too dumb to even teach, right?” He makes his way to the door, and Jae wants to get up and stop him, but he’s glued in his seat. Before slamming the door, Brian adds a quick, “fuck you, Jae,” and then he’s gone, and Jae’s alone, hitting his head on the desk, wondering why the fuck these things happen to him.

Jae shoots a text to Wonpil, telling him not to wait up after class, that he’s going home because he feels like shit, not to worry. He leaves school early, boots scuffing against pavement, cigarette between his lips, wave of calmness rushing over his lean body, easing his mind. It looks like it’s going to snow again, but that’s okay. It’s just snow.

-

“I thought you said you weren’t feeling well,” Wonpil says as soon as he walks into his house. Jae’s sprawled out on the sofa, curled in a ball under a heap of blankets. “And how the hell did you get into my house?”

“First of all, I’ve known you forever, Pillie. I know you keep the spare key under the mat. Also, I’m _not_ feeling well.”

Wonpil pokes Jae through the blankets, tickling him, causing him to giggle. “You’re not sick.”

“I am,” Jae insists. He pulls the blankets that he’d stolen from Wonpil’s room up to his nose.

“You don’t look sick,” Wonpil points out. Jae sighs, because he feels like shit, and him feeling like shit should count as him being sick. Wonpil flops beside him on the couch, pulling Jae’s legs over his lap in case he does end up deeming him sick. “You look fine,” Wonpil adds, but _looking_ fine does not equate to _being_ or _feeling_ fine.

“I’m not fine,” Jae tells him. For someone in all AP classes, Wonpil sure does lack the simple understanding that just because someone looks fine doesn’t mean that they are.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. Jae shrugs. He feels like a dick for insulting Brian. And he hadn’t meant what he’d said, because Brian isn’t stupid. Jae’s learned over the past month that he’s actually very intelligent, he just doesn’t know how to put his aintelligence to good use. Jae was mad, and that’s not an excuse, but he isn’t sure why he cares so much. A large part of him wants to think that it’s the fact that Brian could probably beat him up if he really wanted to, but a small, quivering portion of Jae thinks it’s because he cares _about_ Brian. He shakes the thought away before it settles.

“I insulted Brian today,” he says, keeping his voice low enough that Wonpil may not have heard him, knowing the lecture he’ll probably receive.

“Okay, and?” Wonpil asks, but that’s all there is.

“That’s it,” Jae says, “I insulted him and I feel like such a fucking dick.” Jae’s tone is dismal and monotonous. He begins to pick at a fray in the blanket.

“Look,” Wonpil says seriously, “normally, I’d ridicule you for even showing any sign of caring towards Brian, but I can tell that this makes you upset, so I won’t today.” Jae huffs in relief. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

“I had him study for a test the other day. Today he showed me his mark, and he got an eight-five percent.”

Wonpil furrows his eyebrows. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

Jae only shrugs. “He seemed really upset, so I asked why, because it’s a pretty good mark for someone whose average is a forty. He was being super apprehensive, as if I would be mad at him if he told me what’s up, and I guess I was.” Jae scratches the back of his neck before continuing. “He told me that he didn’t want to fuck up his rep.”

“Is he fucking crazy?”

“Dude, chill with the running commentary, Jesus.” Wonpil rolls his eyes, but shrinks back into the couch crease, lips pursed. “Anyways, I got upset, because he was telling me to my face that being a fucking edgy troublemaker is more important than passing. I went off with this whole thing about how his reputation shouldn’t be more important his grades and somehow accidentally called him dumb.”

“Dude, you called Brian Kang stupid to his face?”

“No-- yes, _fuck_. I said that becoming more intelligent is more important than his rep, but I guess he took that as me calling him stupid. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, but the fact that he was acting like a dick made me mad. What do I do, Pillie? He doesn’t want to see me.”

“Well,” Wonpil starts, poking Jae’s leg. “You could start by apologizing.” And Jae knows that he should just apologize and explain, but all of his apologies just sound like more insults, and he can’t dig himself deeper into the hole he’s already dug himself. Wonpil pauses a moment before speaking up once again. “Then you could like, give him an apologetic blowjob or something.”

“Dude, what the _fuck_.” Jae literally chokes on his own spit. “I thought you told me not to get involved with him in any way, and now you’re telling me to suck his dick? What the fuck is up, Pil.” Wonpil lets out this big bark of laughter, head tipping back, shoulders shaking, the whole shebang. Jae flicks him.

“I’m just _kidding_ ,” Wonpil says. “Really, though. You should start with apologizing to him. I’m sure he’ll forgive you, or whatever. But why do you even care? I mean, you aren’t friends. You literally hated him last month. We hate him. Why does it matter?”

Jae purses his lips. “I don’t know.” And he doesn’t. Jae hasn’t got a clue why it matters so much all of a sudden. But he hates it. He hates caring. He knows that he shouldn’t, yet he still does and it makes him feel shittier than he’s felt in a while.


	3. Vigilance Vivid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is how it starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let it be known that this moves _very _fast just for it to slow down again next chapter. you have been warned.__

Jae’s always preferred walking at night over walking during the day. He appreciates things a little more, because the world is so much calmer, less congested. The things like the _drip drip drip_ of an overhang after it rains or tires crunching against the pebbles in the road become much more apparent when there isn’t so much chatter blocking it from his ears. He can’t help but like it more. He’s never been a fan of the way people walk with their eyes fixated on their screens, not bothering to pay attention to these things that Jae’s always craved more of. Jae likes hearing the scuff of his boots against wet pavement, likes the buzz of LED signs, likes being able to smoke without being ridiculed. On nights like this, Jae feels like he has the world to himself.

Jae does not, however like walking into things, especially if they’re big and solid and yelling an exclamation of _Fucking hell!_ that shakes Jae to his bones. Clearly, he’s been paying a bit too much attention to the _slosh slosh slosh_ of melting snow underneath his Chelsea boots to notice the actual human standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Way to be attentive, Jae. He drops his cigarette at the contact.

“Fuck, not _you_.”

He hasn’t seen Brian in a few days. Whether it’s because he was ditching tutoring or ditching school entirely, Jae is unsure, but either seems probable. Jae still feels like a dick knowing that he’s probably the reason that Brian hasn’t been showing up, that he’s the one who made Brian feel bad. And Jae shouldn’t care, and he knows that he shouldn’t care. Because if the tables had been turned, and Jae had been the one who was insulted, he knows that Brian probably wouldn’t have cared at all, thought _Oh well, guess this means that I can skip lessons_ , and this is Jae’s problem. He cares too much about things he shouldn’t. Worries about other people’s feelings before his own, even if he had gone most of his high school career telling himself he hated the person he now feels horrible about insulting. He needs to get a grip.

“No, wait!” Jae calls after him. His feet are quick as he runs to Brian, securing a grip on his arm and preventing him from moving.

“Look, Jae, I know you mean well, or whatever, but I really don’t want to talk to you.” Brian’s glaring at Jae, fox eyes sharp and dark, face curled into a grimace. If Jae didn’t know any better, it would intimidate him. However, it doesn’t make him feel good.

“Brian, I know I’m a dick, okay? I didn’t mean what I said a few days ago. You-- you aren’t stupid, Brian. I know that because I’ve been teaching you for a month and a half. I was mad, and it slipped. I really didn’t mean it.” Jae stumbles over his words when he says it; he’s tongue tied. It doesn’t seem to be enough, though, to Brian, who’s still scowling. “Look,” Jae says, “what I’m trying to say is that I’m really sorry.”

Brian pulls his arm from Jae’s grip. “Why should you care about how I feel?” he asks as he reaches into his pocket and grabs a pack of cigarettes. He lights one with the lighter that’s shoved in alongside the four or five cigarettes left. (Jae notices that his lighter has an M83 sticker on it, and he gets this weird giddy feeling in his stomach. But now doesn’t seem a good time to talk about music). Jae watches him take a drag and exhale slowly, eyes still trained to Jae, expectant.

“Because… because we’re friends?” Jae kind of phrases it like a question, because he’s not even sure himself. Is Brian his friend? He’d started out hating the thought of this whole arrangement, but now that he’s gotten to know Brian a little more, he doesn’t loathe it as much as he once had thought he did.

“Please,” Brian scoffs around his cigarette, “I know that Mrs. Le is only bribing you with a raised average. I know that you’re just in it for a higher grade, Jae. I’m not as dumb as you think. You don’t need to lie to me.”

“She’s not,” Jae says.

“Why else would you agree?” Brian asks. “I know that you and your friends wouldn’t dream of being anywhere near me unless it was for a better grade.”

“She _was_ ,” Jae explains. “That’s why I started, yeah, but I know you better now. I like tutoring you. You’re funny, and smart. You’re not as much of a dick as people make you out to be, Brian.”

“Gee, thanks.” Brian blows smoke past Jae’s ear. “I guess your apology is okay.” Jae lets out a sigh of relief as he reaches into his own pocket and grabs a cigarette. He shoves it between his lips, lighting it and taking a drag, sighing again, but this time, in a cloud of smoke. “I thought you don’t smoke?” Brian asks with a raised eyebrow. His lips are curled into a smirk. 

“I lied,” Jae says.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Brian says through a small laugh. 

Jae watches him flick the ash from the end of his smoke. “What ever do you mean, dearest Kang?”

“Just now, and that time you told be sixty percent was a good grade.” He shrugs rather carelessly, and Jae’s eyes follow his slowed movements. He notices that Brian’s more slouched and his eyes  look more tired today than they do normally.

“It is for you,” Jae says without thinking, and _fuck_ , no, that’s not what he meant to say. Brian raises an eyebrow. “Fuck, wait-- that’s not what I--”

“You really can’t stop insulting me, can you, Jae?” But he’s smiling. Jae almost cries when Brian shoves his shoulder.

“That’s-- this is how I show affection, fuck, I really didn’t mean that.”

“Jae. Chill. I’m not mad at you. And you’re right. It is a good mark for me.”

There’s a moment where they’re both just standing there in the slush, the mildness of the Winter this year causing it to pile up all over, puffing a cigarette each under the overhang of a convenience store with a buzzing _OPEN_ sign. And it’s nice. Jae doesn’t feel like he has to say anything, nor does Brian. For the first time, they’re just content in each other’s company, and it doesn’t feel forced this time around, because they aren’t in the confines of the English classroom, they’re in the open, with no force, no rules looming over them. It’s really nice.

“You know Wonpil Kim, right?” Brian asks after a while, once they’d both finished their smokes, which now lay put out in the melting snow.

Jae nods. “Yeah,” he says, “he’s one of my closest friends, why?”

“My friend has the biggest crush on him,” Brian says. He’s rolling his eyes, too. “I mean the _biggest_. Won’t ever shut up about the kid.”

“It’s not Sungjin Park, is it?” Jae almost sighs when Brian nods. Wonpil has been going on about Sungjin since he’d come to Jae’s school last year, always raving about how well he plays the guitar and how guitarists are so hot (Jae always reminds him that he plays the guitar too. “Well, you’re not Sungjin, are you Jae?” is always Wonpil’s response, which is fair. He’s not Sungjin), and his stupid eyes and hair and whatever else Wonpil finds attractive about him. It’s kind of revolting, actually. Wonpil is whiny by nature, but when he goes on about his crush, it’s like that factor is sent into overdrive and Jae is seriously teetering on the edge of having enough.

“Actually, yeah that’s exactly who it is. He happens to be my only friend, so.”

“I always tell Pillie that Sungjin is super into him too and that he should just go for it but he thinks I’m just saying that to make him feel better. God, the kid is blind, I swear.” Brian laughs. Jae grins.

“So, we’re setting them up, right?”

“Oh, definitely,” Jae says without missing a beat. “And Brian?” he asks. Brian cocks his head to the side. “I’m your friend, too.”

  


-

 

Jae doesn’t know if their relationship actually calls for this or not. Ever since they’d bumped into each other outside of school, and started working on mission Make Sungjin And Wonpil Date, Jae and Brian have become incredibly closer. Incredibly. They joke openly now. Jae doesn’t dread having to teach Brian about Shakespeare. Brian actually _wants_ to learn. But he’s not sure that their relationship calls for _this_.

They’re sat in a park today instead of studying. Brian’s grade has raised incredibly, so they’d figured that missing out on one day wouldn’t affect anything terribly. The two of them are sitting at one of those metal picnic tables, Brian’s holding out a spliff and asking him if he wants to share it. It’s not that he’s never thought about it, because he has. He’s thought about it before, just like most of the people at his school, but he’s never actually acted on it. Jae doesn’t even know where to start. Are there even dealers at his school?

“I’ve never smoked weed before,” he says sheepishly. He’s half expecting Brian to laugh at him or give him some smug look or something, but he just smiles softly.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he says. He’s being _nice_. There’s no peer pressure, nothing malicious, just a simple response. “I just thought I would offer. It’s pretty much like smoking a cigarette, but it tastes different and it’s less relieving and more floaty.” He lights it up anyways. Jae watches Brian’s shoulders go lax after his first drag, then the smoke curl and dissipate over his head.

Without thinking, Jae reaches his arm out for the blunt. Forget his mother, _Wonpil_ is going to kill him. But he doesn’t even care when he takes a drag. It’s weird, but not the unpleasant kind of weird. He feels light once he exhales. Jae smiles. “Good, right?” Brian asks. Jae nods. He lets Brian take it back from his fingers, tiger grin wide on his lips. Jae hates to think it, but he could get used to this.

 

-

 

Wonpil is mad. It’s not a rarity, because he and Wonpil are always play fighting, but Wonpil’s never this genuinely mad. He’s _fuming_ , arms crossed over his chest, face contorted into a frown. “Tell me why you smell like weed.” It’s not a request, it’s a statement, an _order_ , and Jae’s never heard cute little _Wonpillie_ sound this mad over _anything_. He shrinks back into his spot on Wonpil’s kitchen counter.

“It’s nothing, Pil. Don’t worry.” Jae just shakes his head, because he does not want to be lectured by Wonpil right now, he had just been trying to have a good time with Brian. It’s not as deep as it seemed. He’s probably never going to do it again, and it was a totally conscious decision, Brian didn’t force him, he’d just offered. Jae said yes. That’s all there was to it.

“Have you been smoking with Brian, hyung?” Jae knows that it’s serious when Wonpil switches over to Korean. He didn’t think that Wonpil would have been this mad about the whole ordeal, but God, now he feels bad. Jae bows his head. “You have haven’t you? That’s not good, hyung. I don’t want you to become a--”

“A what?” Jae asks. His Korean is rusty from underuse but he gets his point across with his tone. “A _druggie_ like Brian?” And he doesn’t mean to raise his voice, he doesn’t. He hates how Wonpil cowers back into the island. Hates how the anger on his face is replaced with uneasiness, hates how Brian is judged for the things he does, not for the person he is. He wishes that people would see that just because someone makes bad decisions doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person. He’d been blind to this fact for as long as he can remember. Now he just wishes that he could change everyone else’s views too.  

“That’s not what I said, Jae-hyung.”

“But it’s what you meant, right?” Maybe Jae shouldn’t be being so hard on Wonpil. He’s just looking out for him, and he’s never met Brian properly, so he doesn’t know him at all. But Brian is Jae’s friend now, as strange as that sounds. He wouldn’t want anyone talking down on one of his friends.

“I’m just looking out for you,” Wonpil says. He’s in this weird grey area between anger and disquiet and Jae can hardly tell the difference between them at this point.

“You’re not my mother, Pillie. I know you mean well--”

“Hyung, has it ever occured to you that I look out for you so much because I care about you? I know that you’re my hyung, and I know that you’ll be leaving soon but I care about you a lot and the last thing I want is for you to make bad choices that will fuck things up for you. Has that ever occured to you? Or were you too in your head to even notice it?” Jae sits back against the cupboards, bewildered. It hits him hard, what Wonpil had spit at him, and Wonpil never, ever swears, so he knows that he means it. Perhaps he’s right, and Jae’s just never thought about it like that. Or, maybe Jae just hadn’t cared enough to realize. _God_ , he’s such a _dick_. “I’m sorry,” Wonpil says after a moment of silence, though he still sounds mad. Jae supposes that if the roles were reversed he would be too.

“Don’t be,” Jae says quietly. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I know you worry about me sometimes, Pillie. I’m not going to do it again though, I promise. It was gross anyways.” Jae tips his head against the cupboard, groaning after a second. “Fuck, I’m an awful friend, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re not.” Wonpil switches back over to English. “You just do stupid things sometimes and don’t listen. I guess I’m not that mad at you for it. Just don’t do it again, please.”

“I won’t, Pil.”

Wonpil grins. “Good. League?”

Jae returns the gesture. “Um, of _course_.”

 

-

 

One thing that Jae’s learned about Brian over the past two months is that he can be incredibly stubborn. He’s kind of like a child, in the way that he’ll always cross his arms over his chest and huff, jut out his bottom lip and tip his chin to the ceiling. It always takes Jae countless times to actually get through to Brian, or make him open up, or show Jae something, which happens to be the predicament that he’s in right now.

Brian is acting like a moody toddler and is refusing to show Jae a test that he’d helped him study for. It’s one of the last bigger tests that Brian had before exams start, so Jae had helped him prepare vigorously, determined to make sure that Brian’s grade increases to the point that even if he somehow manages to flunk his final exam, the fifteen percent it’s worth won’t completely ruin his overall grade. But Brian is stubborn and won’t show him his results. Jae is _this_ close to punching him.

He’s huffing quietly and holding the test to his chest like some kind of holy grail, like it actually means something in the end. His face screams _I’m not showing you shit_ , and it drives Jae up the wall.

He certainly does not want to go through this fiasco again, especially with how the whole ordeal ended last time. Jae’s not really ready for another Brian-esque tantrum. He needs Brian mad at him like he needs a hole in the head. He doesn’t even know what Brian’s deal with showing him results is, but he doesn’t have the mental capacity to even attempt to figure it out at this point.

“Brian, for the love of God, please let me see your test.” Nothing is working. Jae’s tried bribing him with cigarettes, food, anything he could think of that Brian may want. He’d even offered to do Brian’s homework for him, and he doesn’t do homework for _anybody_. But Brian is _still_ not budging. Jae’s about ready to cry out of frustration.

“I’m not showing you,” he says. Brian’s got this sort of snide hint in his tone that makes Jae want to leave the classroom. “You can’t make me.”

“Why would you tell me you even got it back if you weren’t going to show me? That’s just unfair.” Brian shrugs carelessly. “C’mon, we do this every time.”

“Not my problem,” he says.

“Bri,” Jae says. Brian cocks his head. “Your pencil rolled off the desk.” Another thing that Jae has learned about Brian over the past three months is that he can be very, very gullible sometimes. When he looks over, Jae snatches the test from his hands. “Ha!” he exclaims, standing from the desk and holding the test up triumphantly. Oh, but when Brian turns back around he’s not happy.

“Jae,” he says, “give me back my test.” Jae just shakes his head, laughing. “I’m not playing with you, Jae.” He snorts when Brian stands up from his desk, making grabby hands for the paper. He moves to the other side of the classroom, grinning.

Okay, so, Jae gets that this is probably to most childish thing he’s ever done as a eighteen year old in his last year of high school, but it’s also the fucking _funniest_ . Brian looks genuinely like he’s thinking about taking Jae’s head off, and Jae, well, Jae’s just laughing on the opposite side of the classroom from him. And it’s just a _test_ , which when Jae, looks, Brian has gotten an eighty percent on. That’s a _good_ mark. Jae isn’t quite sure why Brian is so scared to show him these things when he’s done well.

“Give me the fucking paper.”

“Catch me first,” Jae says, and it’s so fucking childish, but he tops it off with sticking out his tongue. He steps backwards when Brian begins advancing towards him.

“It’s gonna be easy when I’m double your bodyweight and I’ve got you backed in a corner,” Brian says, and as soon as he does, Jae’s back hits the wall. Fuck. This is not where he had planned on it going. Brian smirks at his disadvantage. See, Jae is taller than Brian, but Brian is bigger, sturdier, all solid flesh and broad shoulders where Jae’s lanky arms and bones that stick out, so this _sucks_. “Give me my test.”

But Brian snakes closer, and Jae’s sure that he’s going to sink into the wall with how hard he’s pushing himself against it. Brian leans up so that they’re eye level. Jae’s eyes widen at the close proximity, shaking his head slightly. “No,” he says, but it’s shaky and Brian’s smirk deepens. He presses Jae further into the wall with his hand, holding him there, trapped. What the everloving _fuck_ is happening right now? It dawns on Jae that this has become less hiding the test from Brian and more trying desperately not to think about Brian’s strong hand pinning him to the wall, breath fanning across Jae’s cheeks, fox eyes narrowed where they’re locked against Jae’s.

“I’ll say it once more,” Brian tells him. “Give me the test and I’ll let you go. I’m not asking.”

And Jae doesn’t trust his voice, so he shakes his head instead. Brian hums. He moves so that he’s got an arm on either side of Jae’s head, caging him there. Jae’s stomach twists, but it’s not the bad kind, God, no, it’s so _good_.

They’re just kind of standing there for a while, and Brian is staring at him so intently and Jae’s sure that he’s bright red because his face is on _fire_ and he hasn’t got the slightest clue what the hell he’s supposed to do in this situation.  “Jae,” Brian says after a while of having Jae pinned, and his voice is different now, deeper, quieter, more timid. Jae literally fucking shivers. “I’m going to do something, okay?” All Jae can get in is a nod before Brian’s kissing him. Brian is kissing him. _Brian fucking Kang_ is kissing him on the _mouth_. And Jae _likes_ it. He likes it a lot. The test flutters to the floor from where he held it behind his back, fingers now gripping at Brian’s shoulders.

It’s weird. Not the bad kind, not at all, but the kind of weird that makes you think, _What did I do to get myself in this situation?_ He never thought he’d be kissed by Brian and end up _liking_ it, a few months ago, the idea was _preposterous_. But here he is: in his English classroom, being kissed by Brian Kang and _enjoying_ it, gripping onto Brian’s shoulder with one hand and slipping the other into his hair.

Brian kind of tastes like stale cigarettes and peach candies when Jae licks into his mouth, and in his head it sounds awful but it’s not, and Brian is very warm and his grip is very strong on Jae’s waist, even when he pulls away. Jae almost chases his mouth, but he catches himself in time.

“That was interesting,” Brian says. He’s kind of breathless and his hair is messy from where Jae had threaded his fingers through it, but for the first time, Jae’s hit with an appreciation for Brian. He can see things that he hadn’t noticed before, or at least things that he didn’t like nearly as much as he does now; the slope of his nose, the sharp cut of his eyes, messy hair, broad chest, the mole on his neck.

“Yeah,” Jae says. “Weird, too.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah,” Jae repeats, then nods. “Do it again.”


	4. Just Talking to Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> miscommunication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo kiddos i'm just letting you know that i won't be able to update this for a while because i'm going away on a two week long trip but !! fear not i have the chapter finished right for when i get back. please look forward to it!

Jae notices it straight away. Brian isn’t at school Monday. Or Tuesday, or for the next three days after that. By the time the next Tuesday rolls around, Jae is scared shitless. He knows deep down in his chest that it’s probably him that’s the reason Brian has been MIA for two weeks, and it’s probably because Brian wanted to save whatever dignity he had left. He just wants to know why Brian hasn’t been there. And it’s not like he could text, or call, or something, because while they’d been friends, they’d never actually swapped phone numbers, because they knew their schedule, plans didn’t need to be formulated outside of school.

And of course, Jae hadn’t told anybody that they’d kissed, because he at least had a sense of privacy and blabbing to people about locking lips with someone you’re supposed to hate in the English room isn’t the best thing for a reputation, but besides, who does he have to tell anyways? Wonpil would kill him, Dowoon would just give him a Good Job pat on the back because he didn’t know the weight that it held. And Jae would never tell anybody that they kissed, unless the time was right and they held importance to him, but God, it’s a little depressing knowing that the person he’s gone and gotten feelings for hasn’t shown up, presumably because he’s embarrassed or Jae wasn’t good enough.

That’s another thing. Jae wonders if he wasn’t good enough; that his kisses were lackluster, that he didn’t know what he was doing in comparison to Brian (even though he did). He wonders if he’s going to turn out like those people that he sees Brian with, if he’s going to be told F _orget it, Jae. We can stop this. Pretend I don’t exist. Pretend that it never happened._

But the thing is, Jae doesn’t want to pretend like it didn’t happen. Pretending doesn’t get anyone anywhere, doesn’t give them anything but a hurting heart and a sickly feeling hanging over their heads, nothing but a sour taste in their mouths and emotions they can’t erase. It does nothing but bad, because pretending doesn’t make anyone forget anything. One can’t force themselves to forget, and even though one party has no feelings towards it, doesn’t mean that the other doesn’t either. Jae doesn’t want to forget. He liked it. Pretending just hurts.

Maybe he _wasn’t_ good enough. Brian seems to have more experience than him, despite being younger, but he seemed to like it just as much as Jae. Maybe Brian’s just in it for the feeling, not for the repercussions, but Jae wasn’t in this for any of it and now he’s been hit with too many feelings to handle. He can hardly even register that the bell’s rung and that he’s the last person in the classroom and Mrs. Le is looming over him at his desk, asking him if he’s okay.

“I’m fine,” he says, but it’s stiff and unbelievably underwhelming, so he gives a smile that’s probably too forced looking to be normal. “Any word on Brian, Mrs?”

“I know as much as you do, Jae. Do you have any ideas as to what could be causing his absence?” His bet is just as good as hers. If he’d known what had caused Brian’s absence, he would have done something to fix it instead of just wallowing away in his low self-esteem and overactive brain like he has been for the past two weeks. Jae shakes his head and drums his fingers against his desk. His teacher hums. “Perhaps you could try talking to Sungjin Park? I’ve seen Brian hang out with him quite a bit.”

And yeah, it probably would make a lot of sense for Jae to go talk to Sungjin, because if anyone knows where Brian is, it would be him, but Jae has never been superb at talking to people. It should be easy, though, this time, because it’s not _that_ important. (It is).

Jae can only nod at her, his voice caught in his throat. There’s a stiff silence for a moment, where she’s just standing over him, and Jae’s just playing with his fingers, and it’s really awkward and Jae just wants to be anywhere but school.

“Go eat your lunch, Jae,” Mrs. Le says.

“Okay.” But his appetite is gone completely. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” His shoes don’t squeak against the floor as he walks, the door doesn’t creak against its hinges for the first time in a long time, there aren’t even people in the hallway making noise. It’s quiet, and Jae supposes he likes it better this way, but he would have liked it even better if there was a raven haired eleventh grader walking next to him.

 

-

 

The first time Brian sees Jae in the duration of his disappearance is at the park. He’s on the bleachers by the baseball field and Jae is sitting on the swings. He can tell that it’s Jae from the mop of bleached blond hair. Jae is swinging halfheartedly, probably smoking his way through a few cigarettes.

He doesn’t like not seeing Jae. He doesn’t like the stiffness in the air without Jae’s laugh to balance it out. He doesn’t like that there’s no one to ridicule him for the misuse of words that he should know by now. Brian doesn’t like not having someone to congratulate him on a pop quiz that he got a good mark on. It just different.

It’s not that he’s regretful of what happened or that he’s embarrassed or something, it’s just that he’s not used to this. Of feeling things. Brian’s used to having hookups and then forgetting them after, because that’s just what he’s used to, it’s what’s best for both of them. But this, this is different than everything else. With others, it had been the feeling, the spark behind the kiss but the nothingness he always felt in his chest. With Jae, sure, there was the initial spark, but his heart, his chest, it felt like it was going to explode. There’s now a fear deep within him that’s preventing him from going back. That he’ll be rejected. That he won’t be able to show his face again. That Jae won’t feel the same.

He’d figured out three or so days into his absence that he likes Jae in a more than friend, or in a more than a one time thing way. But Jae’s smart, much smarter than Brian, he knows not to fall for people like him, for boys that fuck around with the girls from the dance classes or the pretty boys that smoke after sex. What Jae doesn’t know, though, is that Brian doesn’t want that anymore.

Across the park, Jae raises himself from the swing, throws his cigarette over his shoulder. At the bleachers, Brian does the same.

 

-

 

Jae finds Sungjin in the library reading something by Murakami. Jae almost doesn’t want to interrupt him, but he knows he has to. For his conscience. For something he can’t put into words.

“Hey. Excuse me, uh, Sungjin, right?” He’s kind of regretting the whole thing as the words leave his mouth, because Sungjin looks up and smiles, which should be reassuring, but it makes Jae sick.

Sungjin gestures to the chair across from him. “Hey, Jae. Did you need something?”

“Yeah, actually. I’ve come to ask about Brian, if that’s okay.” Jae can see the way that Sungjin’s shoulders slump at the mention of Brian. Maybe it was a too-blunt thing to ask. Maybe something bad’s happened. Jae sinks back into his chair timidly, thoughts of all of the possibilities swamping him. He watches as Sungjin’s mouth opens and closes a few times before he speaks up.

“What do you want to know?” And it’s kind of obvious what Jae wants to know, and Jae knows that Sungjin knows what he wants to know, but from this response alone Jae can tell that the inevitable answer is not going to fulfill him. Sungjin sounds like he’d been trying to find the right words, if the way that he’d stumbled over them was any indication. Jae figures that it can’t be easy, talking about your best friend, when he’s off high or drunk, or making bad choices, or dead or _something_ , but he really wouldn’t know. Not properly, at least.

“Where is he?” It’s a simple enough question, shouldn’t take too much thinking to answer, and it’s better than all of the others, which all sound something like _Is he still breathing?_ _How can I fix this? Does he hate me? What did I do wrong?_ The question, at least, won’t ruin either of them with the answer. He’s not exactly sure where Sungjin stands on the whole Brian being MIA thing, but he supposes that if anyone knows, it’s going to be him. “I mean, well. No. Is he okay?”

“I think so.”

“You think so?” Jae tips his head to the side.

“You see, thing is, Brian is a very reserved person when he wants to be. He’s good at closing people out until he’s inevitably okay enough to let them back in. So I don’t know why he’s not here. He didn’t tell me why he decided to run away, but I do know that every time he’s done this, he’s turned up fine. I’m sorry, Jae.” Sungjin starts playing with his fingers, and it feels like there’s more to it but Jae doesn’t want to pry too much.

“Have you checked his house?” he asks, “or something?”

“No…” Sungjin trails off, then sighs, like he’s finished making up his mind. “Look, if you want to talk to him, I guess I could give you his number, but I doubt that he’ll answer you.” Jae is quick to nod, digging into his bag and pulling out some old science homework and a blue ballpoint pen. Sungjin scribbles the digits on Jae’s work, to which Jae thanks him.

“I’ll see you around, yeah? Say hi to Wonpil for me?”

Jae smiles, but it’s forced.  “Of course.”

 

-

 

The next time Brian sees Jae is when he’s on a walk to clear his head. They’re on opposite sides of the street, Jae’s at one end, Brian at the other. And Jae’s not alone today, he’s got Wonpil walking next to him, and he’s poking at Jae’s sides and Jae is laughing. Brian feels his mouth twitch at it. He likes seeing Jae smile.

Jae isn’t smoking today, but Brian is. It’s getting out of hand at this point. He doesn’t even do it because he likes it, he does it because he has the knowledge that it’s slowly, slowly shortening whatever time he’s got left. You see, Brian’s not really depressed and he’s not really suicidal, he just thinks that if death were to hit him, it wouldn’t be that bad. Which, in itself is pretty sad for a seventeen year old to be thinking, but what can you do?

He’s not really walking more as he is taking a few steps then loitering for a bit. Because he doesn’t want Jae to see him. Because he can’t handle that right now.

And from the end of the street, Brian thinks that he and Wonpil make eye contact, but if he really does notice Brian, he doesn’t mention it to Jae when he pulls him around the corner.

 

-

 

Jae doesn’t really talk to people other than Dowoon and Wonpil. He’s the type to be a bit more reserved; he doesn’t talk to people unless he absolutely needs to, it’s just the way he’s always worked.

Wonpil hasn’t been spending as much time with Jae as the latter would like, because apparently plan Set Sungjin And Wonpil Up worked with just a little pushing, so Wonpil and Sungjin have been hanging out a lot as of late and now Dowoon has started hanging out with more people in his grade, some kids named Joshua and Bobby, or something like that, and it’s fine, Jae doesn’t mind spending his lunch hour alone, but that’s the thing. It gets lonely. Sure, he has more time to finish homework from his various classes, and he’s gotten to the point that if people ask him for homework help he’d just shove it into their hands and ask for it by the end of the day, but it gets kind of repetitively lacklustre after a while.

There is one time, though, that makes Jae want to fall off the face of the planet more than normal. It’s a girl from his English class; he can’t quite remember her name, but he assumes she’s going to ask for last night’s homework, so he goes about digging out his binder before she stops him.

“No, I don’t want your work,” she tells him. He pulls his hands from his bag and leans against the lockers, looking up at her from his spot on the floor. “I just had a question.”

“The information from questions one through five are in pages fifty-seven to sixty-three.”

She frowns at him. Is this not what she had wanted? It’s hard to believe anybody would talk to him about anything but school work at this point. He’s just become a human Google for a majority of his fellow students. “No, it’s not about homework at all.”

“Oh,” Jae says. “Well, go ahead then, I guess.”

“Have you not been tutoring Brian as of late? Is he alright? I mean, I haven’t seen him in weeks.” It’s now that he recognizes her. She’s the girl that Brian had been with months ago, long before Jae’d begun tutoring him. Speaking of, did everyone know about that? Jae definitely didn’t go blabbing about that he was tutoring Brian, and he’s sure that Brian didn’t blab about it either, so it’s a bit of a shock that other people know. It must have been quite the talk for awhile, then, but Jae doesn’t know. He doesn’t really keep up with gossip.

The question makes Jae feel lightheaded. He’s been trying not to think about Brian at all, seeing as it’s been more than three weeks and he still hasn’t shown up; the last shred of hope had withered away last week. But Jae doesn’t know how to answer her question. Is he even tutoring Brian anymore? It doesn’t seem like it. Is Brian okay? Jae hopes so.

“Yeah,” Jae says. Lying is better than telling the truth in this instance. “Brian is fine. I think that his grade is high enough now that I don’t need to tutor him anymore.” It kind of stings when Jae says it. The thought of not having an excuse to see Brian makes him sick.

“Oh,” she says. She almost looks disappointed. “Thanks, Jae. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” All he can muster is a nod. Jae watches her leave. There hadn’t been much depth in their conversation; just a simple answer to a simple question, but the whole thing makes Jae want to stop existing. He doesn’t like thinking about what would happen when Brian comes back. _If_ Brian comes back. Jae has a hard time thinking he will.

 

-

 

Jae walks home alone today. He usually goes with Wonpil, but Wonpil had decided that he wanted to stay after school at the library with Sungjin so that Sungjin could help him with his English homework. Jae tried not to let it hurt, because _he’s_ the one that helps Wonpil with his English homework. But it’s whatever. It gives him some time to think. About everything. About how it might have been better not to set them up. About Brian. About life.

He still has Brian’s phone number. He’d entered it into his phone, but he hadn’t texted Brian. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. How does one approach someone who’s been missing for weeks, someone who’s got someone else’s heart in their hands without even knowing it. He doesn’t want to seem weird, but then again, Brian can’t message him first.

His hands shakily type out a message after a few minutes of contemplating, figuring that even if Brian doesn’t respond, he can always say that he tried.

_Is this Brian?_

There’s a thick silence in the air as Jae awaits a response that will likely not come at all. His mother is at work, so the TV isn’t on, the kettle isn’t boiling, no sounds of packets tearing for dinner, there’s no one around but him, and he hadn’t even bothered to put on some music. Usually if Wonpil wasn’t over, he’d be on the phone with Jae, but he’s doing better things. The silence is odd. Everything seems grey.

That is, until a loud chime sounds through the silent room. No fucking _way._

_maybe. who’s this_

_Jae_ , he responds after a little bit of waiting. He doesn’t want to seem eager. (He is).

_where are you right now_

_My house._

Jae shuts off his phone, sighs when he leans into the headboard of his bed. There’s no more messages after that, and Jae wonders if he said something wrong within the few simple words they’d shared. His heart is going mental in his chest. He’s less focused on saying something wrong and more focused on the fact that Brian is still breathing, still kicking, still fucking alive.

When a knock sounds at Jae’s door some twenty minutes later, he can’t lie and say he’s not confused. He hadn’t invited anyone, and he doesn’t usually get many people trying to sell him things, so a knock is a bit out of the ordinary. He realizes that it’s probably Wonpil once he descends down the stairs, because Wonpil has a tendency to show up places uninvited.

Jae almost screams when he opens the door.

It’s Brian.

It’s Brian, it’s fucking _Brian_. Jae fucking hates him. (Jae doesn’t hate him). He wants to punch him in the jaw. (And then kiss each mark better).

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” Brian’s hair is longer now, having gone three weeks without a cut, but he looks like he normally does, tired eyes, dark clothes, soft cheeks. Jae doesn’t know if he wants to kiss him or kill him. “More importantly: where have you been?” Jae shakes his head. “How did you even get my address?”

Brian kind of stammers for a few seconds, it’s not something that Jae can understand-- something like a garbled mix of words that sort of sound like an apology, but Jae’s not even sure it’s English. “I’m sorry,” he finally says.

“Answer my questions.”

“I wanted to see you. I’ve been at home. I texted Sungjin and he asked Wonpil.” And Jae’s more than happy to know that Brian is (mostly) healthy, and that he’s not off doing God knows what in different cities, getting in trouble, but he’s mad, and with good reason.

“Why the fuck did you leave?”

“It’s a long story,” Brian says, like that’ll be enough. Jae raises his eyebrows and opens the door wider.

“I’ve got time.”

 

-

 

Brian ends up staying for dinner, which turns out to be a fifteen-minute frozen pepperoni pizza and some apple juice, but was good nonetheless. Jae’s mother texted him that she’d be late and that he should make his own dinner, but fending for themselves was easier when there was another person to help. (Brian shredded the extra cheese. Jae didn’t have the heart to tell him he’s lactose intolerant). When he leaves, he’s hesitant to peck Jae’s lips. (Jae makes him promise that he’ll be there tomorrow. Brian wraps his pinky around Jae’s and smiles). The kiss is chaste at best, but it still  has Jae running the tips of his fingers over his lips for a good twenty minutes after he’s gone.

The next morning, Jae doesn’t eat breakfast; he wakes up late, throws on a sweater and some jeans before heading out. When he runs his fingers through his hair, he sighs at the tangles. (It occurs to Jae that he hadn’t so much as looked at himself this morning. It’s fine. His fingers work just as well as a comb). The walk to school is boring, it always is, and there’s nobody loitering around the entrances. Some people smile at him he walks in, he pays them no mind, tipping his head in response, but what really catches his attention is Sungjin, leaning up against his row of lockers.

“Hey, Jae,” Sungjin greets with a smile.

“‘Sup?” Jae goes about opening his locker, grabbing the things he needs: his books, pencil case, the bottle of water he’d left yesterday.

“I, um, I wanted to say thank you. You know. About Brian.” Jae tilts his head.

“What d’you mean?”

“He’s actually going to show up today. I don’t know what you did to him, but thank you. I certainly wouldn’t have been able to do it.” Sungjin seems genuine, and it’s nice, but Jae’s no magician, he’s not good with talking to people, hell he can hardly order for himself at a restaurant and he’s eighteen. Brian just talked to him, and he listened. Maybe that’s what he’s good at.

“Oh,” Jae says. “I don’t know what I did either. But he’s coming today?” Jae knows that Brian’s coming today. They’d pinky promised. Sungjin nods. “Good. Yeah. I guess I’ll see you around?” Sungjin nods once more. Jae’s off.

 

-

 

“Are you sure he’s here?”

Brian is late today. Jae’s not so much mad as he is disappointed. He hasn’t seen Brian all day, so it’s plausible that maybe he really didn’t show up, that he’d broken their promise. But Brian wouldn’t do that, would he? Jae honestly doesn’t know. All he does know is that Mrs. Le is looking like she doesn’t want to be here, and quite frankly, without Brian, neither does Jae.

“Yes,” he says, albeit a little too quickly. “Sungjin told me that he’s really going to be here today.”

“Oh, he’s very nice. He’s in my third period class.” Jae nods at her, not completely sure how to respond, and sinks back into his hard plastic chair.

And so Jae waits. He waits for what seems like hours until Mrs. Le says that she’s going to have her lunch and not to wait up much longer, because it seems he’s not here. But Jae can’t just up and leave. They’d made a promise. He’s not going to be the one who breaks it. (Even though it feels like it’s already been broken).

Around halfway through lunch, the door presses open. Brian pokes his head in, discontent clear on his face. “Jae, I’m so sorry--”

“What, is not showing up your thing now?” And maybe Jae’s overreacting, and maybe he shouldn’t have the bite in his tone, but things aren’t just going to fall right back where they were before without a little apprehension.

“I really am sorry,” Brian says. “I-- I got caught up trying to work on the things I missed.” Jae’s expression turns soft.

“Oh,” he says quietly, shrinking back into his seat. “I’m sorry."

“No,” Brian says, shaking his head. “Don’t be. I should have brought it to you so we could work on it together.”

“Don’t mention it--” but as soon as he speaks, Brian’s hand finds his thigh. It’s not inappropriately high, but it should be mentioned that Jae’s heart start pounding in his chest and he’s sure he turns a little pink. Subconsciously, Jae reaches out his hand to overlap Brian’s. “Look, Bri, are we going to talk about his whole thing or are we just going to pretend like nothing happened and continue thing the way they were?”

(God, please, no).

“I like you.” Subtlety has never really been Brian’s forte. He’s always been one of those brutally honest people with no filter, which is part of the reason that people don’t really like him. “I like you a fucking lot. I don’t think that I can hide that anymore. And if it’s not a mutual thing, that’s fine, but I really just wanted to get this off of my chest--”

“I like you too, idiot. A lot.”

Brian looks so relieved, it’s almost funny. “You do? Fuck, Jae that would have been so weird and awkward otherwise. Sungjin told me that you were really torn up about it, and I’m sorry for leaving but clearly I think you understand that I’m not so good with feelings and I’m a dick, I know--” Jae cuts him off by pressing a finger to his lips. “Sorry,” he mumbles against the digit.

“BriBri. Stop rambling and kiss me already.” So he does.


	5. My Tongue Can Make or Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the question.

Wonpil is sat on a Harry Potter blanket on Jae’s living room floor, drinking an apple juice box when he actually asks.

“So, what’s going on with you and Brian?” It’s not like Jae hadn’t been expecting something like this, because it’d kind of been hanging over his head for quite some time now, seeing as he’s told Wonpil about the kiss two days ago (Wonpil had literally screeched and hit him like he’d promised to. For once Jae didn’t fight back), it’s just that he hadn’t expected it to be now, right before dinner, with his mother in earshot, cooking in the kitchen. Jae shoots him a look.

"Pillie--"  
  
“You’ve gotta tell me, Jae. I know I’ve been a bad friend recently but we’re still _besties_.”

“Oh my God,” Jae says. “If you ever say that word again I will file for a restraining order.”

Wonpil pouts. “Oh, come on. Tell me quickly. And in a best friend way. Don’t give me some vague summary that tells me that you’re both not straight.” Jae flushes a shade of crimson.

“You really want to know?” Wonpil has always been the type of person that would nose around in Jae’s business simply because he loves gossip and he can’t get enough of his own drama, he needs other people’s too. _But_ , this is different. This is about Brian. Wonpil doesn’t like Brian.

“Hyung. Of course I want to know. Your business is my business, and vice versa. I care about this stuff.”

“It’s just because you’re a sucker for drama,” Jae scoffs, to which Wonpil shoots him a look. “Honestly,” Jae says, then sighs. “I have no idea.” It’s not that they don’t both like each other, because they do. They’d told each other, so it isn’t like they’re scared about a lack of returned feelings, it’s that they like each other and haven’t done anything about it. Jae kind of has the feeling that Brian isn’t good with handling emotions and to be brutally honest, neither is he. And he never has been. And Jae thinks he never will be. So he has no idea what’s going on with him and Brian, but _God_ does he want to. “I mean, I think I like him a lot, Pil.”

“Look, hyung, I know I have no say in your relationship--”

“No, you don’t,” Jae interjects. Wonpil nearly rolls his eyes.

“ _But_ ,” he says, “I think that it would be good for you. And, I guess I’ve never met him, so the fact that I’ve been a dick towards him is pretty unfair. If you want me to, I guess that I can try and like Brian for you.” And it isn’t reassuring, nor is it inherently kind, but Wonpil’s going to try and Jae is over the fucking _moon_.

“Thank you, Pillie. I promise that once you meet him you’ll like him.”

“I hope so. Don’t make me go all parentish on him. You know I will.” Jae pictures it in his head, then fears for Brian’s life. He thinks Protective Wonpil is scarier than his actual parents could ever be; in fact, Jae’s ninety percent positive that Wonpil’s got a sock filled with coins stashed in his room.

“Please, for the love of all things holy, don’t hurt him.”

“Only if you call us _besties_.”

Jae’s mother calls them for dinner as soon as Jae’s lifting a hand to slap him.

 

-

 

To say that Jae isn’t shocked to get a phone call from Brian at seven thirty on a Tuesday is as far from the truth as you could get. He’s sitting on his floor with his guitar in his lap and a mess of half finished song lyrics and chord progressions littered around his thighs; Wonpil’s just left from their weekly dinner together; he’s just trying to finish this song he’s been trying to write for months, something about being frozen up inside. And his phone is ringing on his bed. He almost doesn’t answer; contemplates silencing it so that he can keep the thoughts in his head, but then he sees the caller ID. Jae scrambles up from the floor and answers it within a second when he sees that it’s Brian.

“Yo,” he says, then cringes a lot. _What the fuck, Jae._ He can hear Brian let out this little breath of a laugh on the other end.

“Yo,” Brian mimics, but he sounds like his voice is caught in his throat when he says it.

“How are you on this fine Tuesday evening, Mr. Kang?” Jae asks, doing his best posh accent, to which Brian actually laughs, and it’s the best thing Jae’s heard all night (besides hearing Wonpil admit (read: mutter unwillingly) that Jae’s actually (not) superior at LoL).

“I’m doing absolutely superb, Mr. Park,” Brian says, and Jae smiles when he adds, “did I use that word right?” to the end of it.

“What’s up BriBri?”

“When did you start calling me that? And shouldn’t it be Br-eyeBr-eye, and not BreeBree?”

“I honestly have no idea, and BreeBree rolls off the tongue, so no. Do you want me to stop calling you that?” Jae can practically hear Brian shake his head. He can perfectly imagine it in his head, too: wide eyes, hair flopping everywhere. His grin gets wider.

“No, don’t,” Brian says. “I like it. It’s very Jae.” Jae takes a mental note to call him that whenever he can fit it into a sentence. “Um, anyways. I have a question.”

“Coolio,” Jae tells him. “Go ahead.”

There’s a pause over the line. “Uh, actually, I thought I could ask you in person.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. You can meet me tomorrow morning by my locker if you want,” Jae offers, even though it occurs to him that it might not be a question that can wait. The thought terrifies him.

“Oh, I uh, meant right now, if that’s okay?”

Jae cheeks get hot and he’s not sure why. “Oh,” he says. “That’s fine. Yours or mine?”

“Mine? I’ll send you my address.” There’s this nervous hint to Brian’s tone that Jae’s never heard before. He’s so used to Brian being all big and tough, always sure of himself, but this is so odd, so unnatural. Jae can hardly fathom Brian being nervous about anything.

“Sounds good, BriBri. See you soon.”

“Yeah,” Brian says. “See you.” Dial tone.

 

-

 

Brian’s house is actual a much shorter distance from Jae’s own than he would have originally anticipated. Though, he supposes it makes sense, as their school is so small (and shitty) that no one who lives outside of the area attends it. His home is big and kind of old looking, but in a very homely way. There’s some Black-Eyed Susans in a pot that are in desperate need of water by the door that Jae notices as he knocks three times.

Brian opens the door dressed down from school. Jae’s never actually seen him without jeans and a leather jacket  on, so it’s a little strange to see him in nothing but a pair of grey tracks pants and a baggy Ramones shirt that’s wearing thin in places. He looks as nervous as he’d sounded on the phone.

“Hey,” he says, smiling gently. Jae smiles back. “Come in.”

Brian’s room is just what Jae had expected it to be: poster-covered, dark, and screaming _edgy_. It’s actually quite nice and tidy, white painted walls, except for the one behind his bed, painted in black chalkboard paint, with messily written song lyrics ( _How can I relate to someone who doesn’t speak?, What if I’d never seen hysterical light from Eugene?_ , and so many more that Jae’s giddy over), and some doodles and things that Jae can’t help but smile at. It’s all very Brian.

“Welcome to my house. Hopefully it’s not too messy. D’you want a drink?”

Jae stills. “Who _are_ you?”

“Sorry,” Brian say quietly. His cheeks are slightly flushed pink. “I’m a little nervous, actually.”

“Over what? You don’t have anything to be nervous about. It’s me, BriBri.”

Brian grins sheepishly and gestures to his bed, which is made, but messily, as if it had been done moments before Jae arrived. Jae doesn’t comment on it when he sits down. “I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out with me?” Brian asks, but it’s so rushed together and messy that Jae can hardly piece it together.

When he _does_ get it though, he’s quiet.

He’d kind of already figured that they were pretty much going out, as far as confessions and makeout sessions go; although, the fact that Brian had been the one to ask seems a bit out of the ordinary. Sure he’d been a bit confused as to what exactly their status is, but it never really seemed like a big deal to Jae, even though Jae’s getting the feeling that maybe it does to Brian. Perhaps it’s the fact that he’s not used to this whole thing that’s making it difficult. Jae thinks it shouldn’t be, seeing as Brian is hardly nervous over anything, and their attraction to each other is just blatant at this point.

Brian, however, must take Jae’s silence as a bad thing, because he starts fumbling over his words all of a sudden.

“God,” he says, “I knew I shouldn’t have asked, I’m so--" but Jae silences him with a kiss, pulling Brian into his arms.

“Shut up,” he says when he pulls away, poking Brian between the shoulders. “I’d love to. As long as I can outwardly call you my boyfriend.”

“You can call me whatever the fuck you want as long for all I care,” Brian tells him, and Jae can feel the relief rush through Brian where he touches his back. “I’m just glad you didn’t reject me.”

“Why would I?” Jae asks. “It’s not like I hate you. We kiss all the time. I literally told you that I have feelings for you.” Brian shrugs. “Besides, how could I say no to you, _Brian Kang_?”

But maybe it’s not the right choice of words, because Brian’s shoulders slump and his expression drops. Jae frowns.

“That exactly it,” Brian says. “I’m Brian Kang. The mean delinquent that gets in too many fights and smokes too much weed. I’m the stupid kid with emotional detachment issues and anger problems.”

“Hey,” Jae says. “You don’t really think that, do you?”

“I mean, that’s what everyone else says about me.” And then it hits Jae that maybe Brian only acted the way he used to because that’s just what everyone expected of him. Maybe Brian never liked the bad-boy reputation, maybe he just couldn’t drop it and felt as though he needed to please people by living up to their expectations. Perhaps the mindless judgment affected Brian more than he showed on the surface. Jae, all of the sudden, feels very upset.

“You’re more than that to me, you know that right?” Brian shrugs. “At first, yeah, you were just a delinquent kid that I had to tutor every lunch. But then we met and I talked to you and I realized you had so much potential beneath all of that. You’re so smart, and funny, and you’re much more to me than just that bad boy front you put up. I like you a lot, BriBri.”

“Thank you,” Brian says. “Really. I mean it. Nobody’s ever treated me the way you do before. Maybe Sungjin, but even that’s different.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Jae says, and pulls away from Brian to flop back on his bed. Brian flops next to him, huffing as he reaches over and pulls a packet of cigarettes off the bedside table. “Woah,” Jae says when he hears the familiar click of a lighter, “your parents let you smoke in the house?”

Brian scoffs around the filter, waving his cigarette as he speaks. “Funny story,” he says, “I actually have a really shitty foster parent that doesn’t care about me and sleeps around more than she’s home. So.” He shrugs and takes a drag.

“Oh, Brian,” Jae says, because he isn’t sure what to say, how to comfort him. Jae can’t even imagine.

“It’s fine,” Brian says, and offers the cigarette to Jae, who takes it with deft fingers. “I’m used to it by now. I’m not going to give you the sob story. My parents died when I was a kid, some tragic movie style accident bullshit. Then my grandparents from Korea came here to look after me, but then they passed away too, so I was in and out of foster homes, now I’ve got a ‘parent’ that doesn’t really care about me, but I’ve also got freedom to do basically whatever I want and a really nice boyfriend and a trust fund with enough for school and an apartment from my grandparents that I can open up when I’m nineteen. Life could be worse.”

“I’m sorry that I judged you so hard before I met you,” Jae tells him, and he knows that it’s unstable, can hear his voice quivering. “I’m sorry that I thought so badly of you when I really knew none of the shit that you’ve been through. That really wasn’t fair of me.”

“Hey,” Brian says, and rolls over on his side so he’s facing Jae, who does the same after a moment. “I’ll never be mad at you about that. I’m used to it. I’m just glad that you actually got to know me instead of just writing me off as some stupid kid that thinks he can get away with anything. Most people don’t realize that beneath the whole delinquent, druggie outcast thing I’m still just a kid, you know?”

Jae smiles. “You hated it when I called you a kid.”

“That’s because I knew I had a part to play and that it was true. And to be fair, Jae, I didn’t like you at first, either.”

Jae looks at the clock on Brian’s dresser which reads 9:07 and sighs. “I should probably get going,” he says. “My mom will start to get worried. I told her I’d be back. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Brian tells him, sitting up and putting out his cigarette. “It’s okay. I get it.”

Jae glances out Brian’s window, at the gentlest breeze blowing the trees. “It looks cold out. Can I borrow a sweater?”

“Sure thing, as long as you give it back.”

 

-

 

Jae never gives it back. In fact, he’s been doing a good job of hiding the fact that he has no intentions of giving it back, but when Brian shows up to his door so he can finally meet Wonpil, Jae forgets entirely that he’s wearing it at all.

“Hey,” he greets when he opens the door. Brian’s in this beaten up plaid button up and an AC/DC shirt that he looks too good in. Jae grins.

“Hey-- wait, is that my hoodie?” And Jae has to look down because he’d been practically living in it for the past few days that he’d hardly even remembered that it was Brian’s at all.

Jae purses his lips and crosses his arms over the _Roots_ logo. “…No,” he says, and Brian just rolls his eyes.

“You’re a little shit,” he says when he steps inside, kicks off his combat boots next to a pair of flower patterned Vans. They must be Wonpil’s.

“I’m older than you!”

Brian just hums and grins over his shoulder. He begins to walk further into the house, but stops dead in his tracks. “ Jae,” he says, voice dropping to a whisper when he turns around. Jae just tilts his head. “I’m nervous. He’s going to bite my head off.”

“No he won’t. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. The little shit is scared of ants.” And Jae knows that Wonpil will not hesitate to murder Brian if things don’t go according to whatever plan has been formulating in his brain, but he thinks it’s best not to let Brian in on this. “Just pretend you’re good ole Bad Boy Kang and you’re not a big softie.”

“I’m not a softie,” Brian says.

“You sent me a thread of videos of puppies last night and wouldn’t stop crying about them.”

Brian narrows his eyes. “Touché.” Jae smiles, then, “I used that right, right?”

“Yes, Brian,” Jae tells him, rolling his eyes, “you used it right. You don’t need to ask anymore. You’re so much better.”

“Thanks,” Brian says sincerely. “Oh, you’re still going to tutor me, right? My grade is high enough that I won’t fail now but I still need an excuse to see you at lunches.”

Jae’s cheeks turn crimson at the same time that Brian’s do. “You know, you could just sit with me and my friends. If this whole thing goes well, which it will, you’ll have a certified seat at our table. Besides, Sungjin ends up sitting with us anyways because Wonpil is so insistent on finally going out with him.”

Brian’s eyes widen. “They’re _still_ not together?” he asks, “even after the pushing we did and having literally been in love with each other forever?”

“Mhmm,” Jae hums. “Still not official. They’ve been lusting over each other for the longest time. We despised each other and we got together before them. I don’t know if this is just them being stupid or if we just move too fast.”

“Them being stupid. Definitively. Sungjin has been going on about him ever since tenth grade.”

“And Wonpil has been going on about Singjin since he showed up in ninth. It’s getting really annoying because they’re so clearly in love—“

The clearing of a throat comes loud and clear from the living room. Jae tilts his head at Brian.  

“Ready to bite the bullet?”

"As ready as I'll ever be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was so shitty and rushed but ! i'm thinking the next chapter should be out around friday! hope you enjoyed after i made you wait for so long haha

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](http://twitter.com/hfkyounghyun)


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